I’d like to describe what coaching and mentoring (CAM) are and why I think that they are something that everyone should have access to. My conviction lies in my personal experience of being coached and mentored, and of being a coach and mentor.

My start into Mentoring comes with a coaching approach

In 2008 I began mentoring university students as part of the National Mentoring Consortium. I was paired with someone who was bright and articulate but lacked confidence in their ability to deliver presentations to their fellow students. It turned out, when I got to know them a little more, that this had not always been so. I began by asking questions to understand what it felt for them. Then I asked them to think back to a time when they were full of confidence and asked them to replicate that feeling in their current circumstances.

It worked. I later discovered that this approach was ‘coaching’, not ‘mentoring’, but it hardly mattered. By taking an interest in the individual I found I could help them in a real and tangible way. My mentee got ‘Mentee of the Year’ because of his clear improvement and, much to my amazement, I was awarded ‘Mentor of the Year’.

There was clearly something in this.

Later I was able to use my experience to advise other mentees, sharing what had happened to me so that they could consider what to do to address their issues. Presenting my experience as something they could accept or not, created trust in a confidential environment. We could speak frankly, and they could explain their issues in a ‘safe space’, knowing that I was there truly to help. Most of my mentees left knowing more about themselves, having made real progress in addressing the things they brought to the mentoring relationship.

Realizing how listening underpins CAM

Then recently, one of my colleagues said to me that ‘you don’t grow flowers by treading on them; you must feed them instead.’ For me, coaching and mentoring are an essential part of the ‘feeding process’; both the coaches and mentors also benefit. This comes from the one essential thing that a coach or mentor has to do, and that is the foundation of our effectiveness; we have to listen.

I’m sure everyone can remember a time when they were talking to someone but not be listened to, and conversely when we were listened to really well. How we felt during these episodes was, I’m sure, very different indeed. And I’m also sure that, afterwards, we would much rather engage with the person who listened to us than the person who didn’t. I’ve experienced that myself and heard it as a manager.

Listening is a skill that can be learned and made better by practice. I used not to be a good listener, but I did not realise it. I did not experience a dramatic change, awareness came slowly, and accelerated when I became a formal mentor for a university student. Becoming a manager further increased that acceleration, through a combination of the managerial experience and formal study (you might enjoy a useful and entertaining little book by Judy Apps-called ‘The Art of Conversation’). I don’t know who said that we have two ears and one mouth, and that they should be used in that proportion, but I agree entirely with them.

With over a decade of experience in mentoring that uses a coaching approach, and over a half in coaching itself, what I’ve realised is that coaches and mentors have excellent practice in the art of listening. A colleague told me that, as a result of their starting to coach people, they had become better at management and had felt positive effects at home. And listening is not just good for managers, as it is an essential skill to quickly build rapport with people we have never met before, which is useful for all of us.

Knowing when to apply CAM

Whilst listening is fundamental to both coaching and mentoring, I’ve also recognised how we use them, albeit subtly differently, in how we work with our clients. When people ask for or are given a coach or mentor it’s because they either want something or need something. It seems obvious to say this, but whether they get a coach or a mentor it depends entirely upon what they want or need.

• Mentors have a particular skill-set or experience that the mentee wants or needs to tap into, to build their own skills and knowledge.

• Coaches are not subject experts- they are experts at helping people come to their own conclusions, when they may initially only have a vague idea about what they want or need.

The decision to ask for a coach or mentor should generally be fairly straightforward as long as the person in question (sometimes called a client) is aware of this difference between a coach and a mentor. However, this may change over the course of the engagement as the real needs of the client emerge as they explore what it is, they’re actually looking for (similar to my ‘Mentee of the Year’). And in some cases, the coach or mentor, who may be both a subject and people expert, may blend the two to fit the needs of their client because our engagement starts from where their client begins.

Knowing that our clients have something they want to work on, requires the mentor or coach to establish this in their initial discussion as part of the overall engagement, and importantly get the client to consider their needs in sharp detail. These conversations are not just a casual chat; they have a specific purpose, aimed at addressing the client’s needs- they are conversations with an aim, so require commitment from both parties. The skill on the coach/mentor is in questioning and listening that creates a ‘safe space’ for the client to engage in and be mutually responsible for the conversation that ensues.

To allow this to happen effectively, the opening conversations that leads my coaching and mentoring practice focuses on establishing trust and forming a good working relationship that’s built upon mutual respect and interest. So, it’s important that each side is prepared to be open with each other. This is typically easier when the client asks for CAM because both parties are focussed on the desired outcome, answers generally flow from them (but they may well not be answers that were expected initially). And importantly, that’s why these conversations are confidential- no one else gets to know what is said.

CAM creates a tailored learning experience

Requesting individual workplace development, whether as part of career progression and/or personal growth, from my experience says that both coaching and mentoring works. Clients often know what they’re looking for from a person who role models what they need. They simply aren’t aware of how they want to learn and this is what CAM can do for people. It’s about being able to have the time to take a real interest in the individual and the work they must achieve in this role, and importantly for me, this lets me know that these series of brief yet focused moments can support my clients to get answers and develop as a result.  And as the individual providing the services, knowing these distinctions is useful, yet its important to remain pragmatic in these situations and educate our clients of these differences along the way.

‘Epimetheus’ has had a varied career in teaching and the UK Civil Service, as a technical specialist and as a manager. He also spent 10 years as a volunteer mentor with undergraduate students.

He discovered coaching late in his career and has brought coaching practice into his management, and has been asked to establish a coaching culture into his small part of the UK Civil Service, the first step of which means establishing an internal coach/mentor programme. He is bringing his experience as a teacher, a technician, a mentor and a manager to bear to inform and improve his coaching practice. He is working towards formal accreditation as a coach.