I’ve been thinking a lot about how I and my work as a coach and a coach supervisor are being influenced by the Covid19 crisis.  I keep coming back to the ubiquitous, yet often unnoticed, parallel process. 

What is going on?

We are living through an unprecedented time of shared experience. 

• There is a shared sense of fear, uncertainty, restrictions and conflicting messages; with the vast majority of us forced to find new ways of working and living.  

• For some there is a sense of overwhelm, for others, too much time on their hands. 

• I’ve noticed a busyness as people post messages, free offerings, adverts and advice.  There is helplessness.

• There is loss. There is guilt at being OK while so many suffer. There is a lot of “I should be….” and “I ought to…”.   

• Some folk desire to return to the old normality, others are optimistic about the visible positive changes to the environment and their organisation and how that can be sustained in the future recovery, others are worried about their jobs.   

And we are all in this crisis together, there is no escaping from experiencing it ourselves, just as our clients, customers, peers, bosses and teams experience it too. 

All the result of an invisible, unexpected, novel viral infection that has spread rapidly around the world.

How Parallel processes exist in our coaching and supervision

As coaches we are used to actively/carefully listening to our clients as they bring their difficult situations and challenges to us. We have learned to be empathetic and present while also maintaining a level of detachment from their story in order to separate our emotions and reactions from theirs.   And sometimes we can still get caught in the energy, emotions and dynamics of our clients and their systems.   We may start to feel anxious or confused, we may find ourselves wanting to try too hard to help solve their problems or speaking and thinking at a faster pace than normal – just like our client is doing.   

When this happens, we are caught in a parallel process.   

And as coach supervisors, like coaches with their clients, we find ourselves acting out with our supervisee the very thing that they are doing with their coachee.   It’s really easy to end up unconsciously colluding with them and their story and taking on their behaviour and emotions.   And we may not even be aware that we are being drawn in! 

Our client, likewise, may have got caught up in the energy and emotions of their client, client’s colleagues or organisation. 

If we took a moment to step back and broadly observe what’s going on, there may actually be several layers of these ‘unconscious’ parallels occurring.

Useful data for exploring ‘in the moment’ experiences

However, when we do notice, it can be very useful as data and a great opening into exploring what is going on between us here and now.  This in turn is a potential opening to explore what they are picking up from their system and how they are reacting to this and letting go of what is not theirs.   

• Noticing is the first step to disentangling ourselves from the parallel process and being able to work cleanly with our client (Entanglement). 

• It can then be useful to notice what has triggered us into this process and what triggered them (Emotional Hygiene).

Parallel processes can be a rich source of insight not only for our clients, but also us as coaches and coach supervisors to consistently deliver a much-needed quality service that helps clients move forward in challenging times.

Entanglement

Today, as we ALL experience the crisis caused by Covid-19, we are much more likely to be feeling overwhelmed and fearful and to have the desire to take control of something, be busy, be noticed, be useful, etc.  So, the parallel processes brought by our clients may be more difficult to detect due to the current common experiences of life and work.  Indeed, our own anxiety and uncertainty may be picked up by our clients and evoke some parallel emotion and behaviour in them! 

My entanglement in parallel processes has often been revealed in sessions with my own supervisors.  Like the corona virus, parallel process spreads through the system, initially undetected, yet causing   “dis-ease”, unhelpful and atypical behaviour in those infected.  My supervision is a form of virus test. 

Emotional Hygiene

I also need some metaphorical hand washing to protect me from potential parallel process infection.   More than ever, I am finding it really useful to be consciously slowing down; deliberately pausing to breathe and grounding myself, so that I am more aware of my baseline state as I go into coaching or supervision sessions.   This relaxed self-monitoring allows me to be more aware of changes from baseline in my physical and emotional being and cognitive processes.  

Grounding regularly is a form of emotional hygiene;  my equivalent of frequent thorough hand washing.  Inviting clients to also share how they are and giving attention to their emotional and physical state before grounding together, baselines us both at the start of the session.   

What are you noticing in your practice?

• Do you see any parallel processes in your coaching or supervision practice?  

• If yes, what parallel processes are you noticing?

• What is your coaching or supervision hygiene regime to manage some of them?  

For compassionate non-judgemental support to reflect on how the current environment is impacting who you are as a coach or as a leader, contact Doug at Doug@Elmbank-Coaching.co.uk.

Read other posts written by Doug Montgomery and published on the good coach.