Clarity: a core capability in my coaching practice by Simon Dennis
As a coach I help my coachees, as a manager I help my team, in conversations I help my colleagues and in supervision I help my coaches do one thing above everything - achieve clarity. Above all else – a great coach I know, Simon Laurie, says, ‘Clarity Wins’. I think that is the role of a manager. It's the role of a coach. As individuals if we can get clarity about our purpose, clarity about our roles, clarity of our responsibilities, clarity about what’s expected, other things become so much easier.
As a manager, if I'm not clear with my team on my expectations, there's always going to be a problem. I try and be fully clear on what I expect of them and allow them the choice to come onboard, that way they are under no illusion about what I see as the role and then it is up to them to determine if that’s a role that they want or not. If you're not clear to begin with, you create confusion, unvoiced expectations and assumptions that will inevitably cause disappointment.
How many times do we accept and attend meetings without clarity over our roles and responsibilities within the agenda? For example, I invite colleagues who have skills that compliment mine to meetings and I brief them "Okay. Let me be clear on the role I need you to play in this scenario." or "Let me be clear on why you're in the meeting." The number of times I sit in meetings and I look around the room and think, "Do you actually know why you're here? Do you know why you’ve been invited to this meeting?" I've had some challenging conversations with my team where I've explained, "Let me be clear on why I feel you should go to that meeting." I give them the clarity. They can then choose to say, "I’m not the right person. That's not a role I want to play."
Helping achieve clarity has its dangers. As a coach, when we're coaching somebody, we've really got to be a little bit careful when we test their reality and test what it is that they perceive as reality. I think we have an obligation as coaches, especially if someone's talking about careers, I think we have an obligation to test how real their perception is of where they're going. How real is their goal, how clear are they about the expectations of the role? If you're heading somewhere that appears fantastic, is it as real as you're making it out to be, or even is it as real as the company you're going to is making it out to be? Help them to test some of that before they leave.
Clarity as a core capability
For me achieving clarity is as important for the coach as for the coachee. It starts with never accepting the answers at face value. I'm always looking for evidence, supporting information that backs up my gut feel as well as what’s being shared. I'm quite often repetitive, particularly if I genuinely don't believe I'm hearing the evidential answer, I will repeat the question. I'm not afraid to continue to do that. I think some coaches, some managers, are sometimes afraid of the answer. I think they're sometimes willing to accept a response that’s maybe just below the surface but not getting right to the bottom.
That's why I think this is a core capability of mine because I also do it in my day job. When I'm looking at contracts, I'm looking at customer engagement, I'm continually asking, "What makes you think that? What's led you to that outcome?" If someone says to me, "The customer wants ‘x’." I don't just accept that they've been asked specifically for ‘x’ – so often we assume a solution without being really clear on the expected outcomes. I will test it. I will test that assumption.
I think to achieve clarity it's about testing assumptions. It's also about doing it in a non-threatening way. I'm not saying I don't believe you, what I'm saying is, "What's brought you to that assumption? What's brought you to that position where you are telling me vehemently that this is fact? What is it?" That's because as a person I like to deal in facts, if it's not factual and evidential, then I will always seek some layer of evidence to support it. This also helps in my questioning and coaching because I will look for the reality behind the answers – striving for clarity.
It’s more than just asking ‘why?’’
I always remember reading an article about how you can ask ‘why?’ without actually using the why word. In fact, in one of our coaching training sessions, we explored why asking ‘why?’ can appear very accusatory. If someone says to you, "I’ve decided to move to a new role." and you ask simply, "Why?" it can easily be misinterpreted, it can be heard as, "Why would you choose to do that? Why do you think that’s a good plan?" Whereas using questions like “What makes that appealing for you? or What’s behind your decision?” actually demonstrates an interest in understanding the reasoning – and helps both you and the coach achieve clarity. For the coachee, clarity over their decision-making process, for the coach, clarity over what’s important for the coachee.
Coaching with clarity
At its heart it is about not assuming that what you hear is necessarily what's going on: this is how you get clarity. In my experience, I think we all fall into the trap every now and again. That's why coach supervision is helpful. Almost every supervision group I've attended, there's been an instance where a coach will bring a situation and the first thing that we debate is, “Were you clear on what was being presented/asked? Did you test that reality? The person presented to you with an issue or a challenge. Did you truly test what it was they wanted? Or did you just take that on face value and just plough straight in?”
Before I go into supervision, and before I prepare myself for coaching, particularly with a new coachee, I have a little checklist of things to watch out for, things that I've learned over time that I'm guilty of, that I'm susceptible to. Those things, I call out to myself before I go into coaching. One thing is always top of that list – Clarity Wins. If I remember that and following that mantra I tend to stay on track. Sometimes just reaching clarity is enough for the whole session, the whole contracting can be purely about reaching clarity.
If I was looking to develop further, I would say maybe I should do that before every single session with a coachee. I tend not to - some of that is just down to available time, some of it is a bit of complacency, particularly if I have been working with the client for three or four sessions, I don't tend to refresh my memory about all those assumptions that I’ve made. In my experience most coaches fall into that trap of just making little assumptions. It's not always a bad thing because assumptions come from our inner sixth sense if you like. If someone says something to me, and I sense that what they're telling me is true, then actually I probably won't test it as much as I ought to – but maybe that’s just the point where I should – to ensure I have absolute clarity.
Is that a bad thing? I think you have to have the balance between appearing to not trust them at all or trusting them implicitly. Quite often, I will vocalize that, and I will actually say, "I can sense from the way you said that, that what you told me is true." Is there a danger that they can manipulate you into believing anything they say by appearing to be honest – possibly, but it’s a risk we take.
In my experience, people who come to coaching don't do that. I think they genuinely want help from the coach. I think if you've got a good level of trust and rapport with them, they will be as honest as they can. I think they're not trying to manipulate things. They're not trying to pull the wool over your eyes, they're just telling you what they believe to be true. Your job as the coach is to help them get clear on the reality, "What makes you say that?" Because, actually, they may be making huge assumptions themselves. That can be a block.
As an example I often hear colleagues say, "I'm not good at presenting." When you ask, "What makes you say that?" they quickly realise there’s no supporting evidence, they've never had any feedback that supports that. It's just a feeling they get. You can test that assumption, but the reality may simply be that they don’t feel comfortable when they present – so once again achieving clarity over the situation prevents you from addressing how they present instead of how they feel when they are presenting.
Overall, I think when we are dealing with people's perception, their reality, when you start to test it you have to walk very carefully and be sensitive. That's why I think it's hard for coaches to consistently strive for clarity effectively, and something we should continually practice.
For me in almost every situation ‘Clarity Wins’ but it can be a lengthy process getting there sometimes – how about you?
Connect with Simon Dennis and read his other posts published on the good coach.
