TOWARDS MY PERSONAL MODEL OF COACHING-and how you might find your own model (Part 2) by Andrew Parrock
What personal models of coaching can do for a coach
Coaching has expanded at a rapid rate over the past decade or so, to judge by the quantity of coaching-related emails that regularly ping into my inbox, all offering amazing insights, techniques and ideas and all, inevitably, requiring me to part with money. It feels to me like there are more people out there making money out of offering coaches material than there are coaches making money by coaching. Of course, I have no objective evidence for such a sweeping statement, but I make it because what is being offered appear to be ‘ready-made’ approaches to coaching, a delightful, enticing and seductive mixture of tools with, apparently, no underlying unifying idea [1]
What this article is about is ‘approaches to coaching’, with the big exception that you don’t have to part with any money. On the other hand, you may have to pay in another currency; the effort of hard thinking and coming up with your own answers. I hope that is an acceptable compromise. I explored in part 1 the various approaches a coach can learn their craft and journey so far, and in part 2, as a reflexive practitioner I attempt to articulate my personal model of coaching that generates the results that my clients find most beneficial to them.
Do I have a coaching philosophy or ‘approach’
I never thought about this until I had the conversation with Yvonne Thackray that I mentioned above. She asked me what my definition of coaching was, which turned out to be a more difficult question than it first appeared, because it is, in fact, a very difficult question indeed.
Turning to a couple of textbooks, here’s what they say:
Handbook of coaching. “... it should be noted that this book is nor primarily focused on advancing the professionalisation of coaching. Rather its primary aim is to stimulate the development of the knowledge base for coaching, thereby making a contribution to further establishing coaching as an applied discipline. As such, this Handbook requires no unified definition of coaching, irrespective of how desirable that might be in principle [it provides readers (usually practitioners) with an early indication of the author’s view on the fundamental question: What is coaching?]” (pg 5; emphasis added) [handbook: SAGE Publications Ltd. (2021). The SAGE Handbook of Coaching. [online] Available at: https://uk.sagepub.com/en-gb/eur/the-sage-handbook-of-coaching/book245418]
I found this quote in this blog: https://the-goodcoach.com/tgcblog/2021/10/4/myths-and-truths-about-coaching-by-maria-biquet-and-yvonne-thackrayComplete Handbook 3rd ed. (p xxix). ”Coaching is a human development process that involves structured, focused interaction and the use of appropriate strategies, tools and techniques to promote desirable and sustainable change for the benefit of the client and potentially for other stakeholders…..”
Other definitions identify coaching as a helping strategy, designed to enable people to reach their full potential. BUT it appears that these definitions are not definitive enough to distinguish coaching from its close neighbours-mentoring, counselling and consulting- as these other forms of helping all make similar claims (Complete Handbook p xxxi)
the good coach’s definition: “is the selected qualities of attention that enables learning and development with virtue.” By adding "virtue" to the definition, Yvonne wanted to build in and on, the idea of having character (from both the psychological and philosophical usage, though more leaning in on the latter) that allows for personal and social responsibility. [Yvonne Thackeray, personal communication 15th May 2023].
Here is a link to two separate pieces; the first focuses more on the definition and the second on character of coaching:
·8 Myths and Truths About Coaching by Maria Biquet and Yvonne Thackray and
·From practice to philosophy– insights into what fuels my coaching practice by Yvonne Thackray
I think this shows why it might be necessary to accept that there is no unified definition of coaching. Indeed, it may be impossible to write such a thing because the closer it is defined, the tighter the words become, the more restrictive it would become. For me, it’s much better to view each definition as a glimpse of some ultimate but unobtainable perfect definition. Far better to live with some pragmatic understanding, albeit a bit shadowy, than chase after unachievable perfection.
So, in answering the question of ‘what is my definition of coaching?’ what follows is my definition. It probably will not be your definition. In fact, it better not be, because the value to me of my definition, is that I thought it up, based on my experience, to help me develop my coaching.
Wow! How selfish can that be? I can imagine that you, the reader, will at this point want to hurl your reading device to the floor in frustration and anger; how dare you (the author, that’s me) waste my time on this shaggy dog story!
Please bear with me for one more sentence.
The value is found not in the definition, but in the path taken to reach it. I have found value in reflecting on my experience and deriving my definition from that. I think that you may well derive the same benefit. What is the saying? ‘it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that’s important.’
“The journey, not the destination matters” TS Eliot
The important conclusion I reached is that my approach or philosophy, or definition, is one that applies to the way I coach, and is useful for me until it stops being useful to me. I have no doubt that it will evolve over time, as long as I continue to take time to reflect on what I’m doing.
I’m sure that if you ask yourself this question;
Do I have a philosophy or ‘approach’ to my coaching.
Then you will find that you do have one. It will be different to my approach, which I will describe shortly to give you something to compare yours to. It may well be the case that for N readers of this blog, there will be N+1 approaches, which begs another question;
Are all these approaches the professional coaching that we are striving to deliver?
I’ll address that question after I have described my own approach.
My approach to coaching.
Once I and my client have decided that the ‘chemistry’ is right, and we have agreed our verbal contract, which includes frequency of meetings, confidentiality, boundaries and roughly what their goal is, I start by aiming to understand what they do, and where they think they are in terms of their work. I ask some broad questions about their job and role, asking clarifying questions where things are ‘fuzzy’. This is pure listening. I make no comments, ask no challenging questions. This is stuff that my client will be deeply familiar with. It is a quick way to build that initial rapport. And it is interesting in itself, my curiosity drives this, so it feels quite natural, which also helps the rapport building.
I’m not looking back at the possible roots of the issues they face that lay behind their goal. The focus is very much on now, with a bit of historical flash-back to anchor the current situation to their past experience and work-history.
Gradually I will move on from their job to start looking at the challenges they face, those things that form part of their stated goal. The client quite often circles around the issues. Things can get very fuzzy here, so I find it is important for me to keep on listening, summarising my understanding to them to check that I have got it right. My aim here is for me to understand what lies at the root of their goal, but this often means that, as they don’t know either, this becomes a mutual exploration of something with deeper meaning for them. This is where ‘solution-focus’ comes in; we (it has usually turned from me to we now) need to understand the roots to allow the client to begin to formulate a solution, or solutions. I have their stated goal always in the back of my mind when I decide which questions to ask, because the focus is not on the problems but on the solutions.
This process deepens our mutual respect and empathy. Clients sometimes tell me some sensitive and personal things at this stage. That’s OK, as long as it is focussed on the work goal. This builds the long-term empathy which is the foundation of trust, where my client knows that I am there to help them, if necessary, by asking difficult questions. These questions can only be asked trust has been established between us. Trust also is part of the equality of power between me and my client; we are there as equals. I can share more of my experience and knowledge (the role of mentor in this coaching & mentoring relationship) once trust has been established. I always ask permission from my client before I share (a lesson I learned from my supervisor). It’s at such moments that the science comes in useful. For example, clients have described how they recognise they are stuck in a cyclical pattern of thoughts and/or behaviour. I bring in an analogy of what a habit is, and how it is really difficult to create a new, different, habit. Even that little bit of insight has been enough to create a ‘eureka moment’. I do not want to be ‘the master’ in a master/servant relationship, because then my client could start to rely on me for support and answers. What I’m aiming for is for them to find their answers for themselves.
At this stage, the balance between questions, listening and experience/knowledge sharing is crucial. There is no simple rule, it’s a matter of judgement, which I have learned and developed over time, always asking the questions of myself;
“how will this help my client” and
“which is the best thing to do right now at this moment?”
Sometimes I’m conscious of these, other times I’m not, but even then, they are never far from my conscious thought. The balance is essential to overcome a client’s natural ‘defensive spike’ at the first hint they have that they will have to change. The balance allows my client a moment to take stock and consider how they are feeling and make a more conscious consideration of their situation.
Will a question, some information, or silence, allow them to reflect better? That’s the judgement call.
A little digression is appropriate at this point. As an internal coach I’m looking for improvement to the results of the organisation. I firmly believe that by helping individuals in the organisation progress, then they will become more effective at their jobs, and the business will benefit as a result. BUT that means the conversations must be focussed, ultimately, on the individual at work. That’s not to say we cannot discuss more personal matter IF THESE ARE RELEVANT. If I cannot see how the discussion links to their goal I will say so. If they can see a link, then we can carry on, otherwise I would remind them that I am not a counsellor. I have not had to do this…yet.
There is a lot of detail in this description. I have aimed to be as specific as possible to let you see how I coach, short of actually being in the room or zoom call yourself.
To summarise my approach (aka definition?) is:
Challenge PLUS questions PLUS listening PLUS sharing EQUALS learning by example
My challenge to them to think more deeply, become more aware of, their current situation.
My questions, listening and sharing of experience and knowledge are focussed on nudging them to think more deeply about themselves.
Learning by example is the client taking themselves as their own example, which they can then use over and over again into the future.
They become autonomous learners, fully capable of knowing why they behave in a certain way in certain circumstances. When they become their own example, they become willing to seek feedback to ground their self-awareness in reality.
Application of this approach
Humans resist change because it is usually perceived as a threat [see ‘Neuroscience for organisational Change’ and ‘Neuroscience for coaches’- ch 17 Threat Response]. This applies to coaching an individual just as much as it does to implementing change in an organisation. The approach to any change must be planned carefully. The greatest weight must be given to how the people who will be affected by the change will react.
As a coach, the authoritative command approach is simply not acceptable, because it is antithetical to ANY idea of coaching, and it just won’t work. So we must work with our client, get to understand where their point of most resistance is and help them overcome that. The resistance will be an emotional one, some kind of ‘defensive spike’ which may be overt and recognised as such, or covert and not recognised by the client. It is my job to see that spike and balance listening with questioning to first reduce it then remove it completely. This is one of the key skills of a coach, to know how to balance listening and questioning. It’s a judgement call, all we can do is practice it to hone it and keep on practicing it.
How can there be a multiplicity of coaching approaches which can ALL be described as ‘professional’?
If we all coach in ways that reflect our individual personalities, it follows that our approaches must all be different. Contrast that with the idea that professional coaching can be defined and thus be uniform and consistent, and there might appear to be a paradox. Put it like this, if I am aiming to coach in a way that allows me to be me, not playing an artificial role, and thus able to be present for my client, can I ALSO, at the same time, have a professional conversation with a purpose?
I think the answer to that is a definite YES.
I have shown that even the academics cannot agree on one definition of coaching. Could it be that there is a more general model of coaching that covers a wide variety of different approaches, a spectrum of approaches that starts at some point, changes gradually and ends at another point, the start and end looking completely different but where we can see how they are related. This spectrum is not bounded by being under the umbrella called ‘coaching’. It extends to right and left, just as the visible spectrum of light (electromagnetic radiation) extends out into the infra-red, microwaves and radio waves in one direction, ultra-violet and X-rays in the other.
Outside coaching there are other talking therapies that are not coaching but which have large similarities in method but maybe somewhat different aims. Things such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Counselling perhaps. Diagram 1 is my visualisation of this [ref-Yvonne Thackray, personal communication]
The benefit of such a viewpoint is that we don’t have to get hung up about the differences we observe in coaching styles. We can learn about them, maybe take something from them in a conscious effort to improve out coaching. We can ask ourselves;
what strengths has my approach got?
what limitations has my approach got?
More importantly we can ask the same questions of our clients and actively seek their feedback [see blog on confidence for the value of feedback].
What the Handbook says about having a personal model of coaching
I return to the Complete Handbook of Coaching 3rd Ed 2018: final chapter ‘Conclusion’’ Bachirova, Clutterbuck and Cox, p536, where they conclude that their authors approaches are also underpinned by different philosophies, including:
Modern positivism: physical and social reality are governed by general laws that can be objectively described: scientific method is the best way of discovering them.
For coaching this means this “emphasises the importance of clear goals, the value of techniques and assessments and behaviours of the coach that are attributed to the effectiveness of the coaching.”Postmodern constructionism: assumes that reality is not objectively knowable, but is constructed by individuals and groups as a result of particular beliefs and cultural, historical or social contexts. Knowledge of reality is relative and depends upon the position of the observer.
For coaching this appears as “attention to the meaning that is constructed in the session, and in the process of building a relationship, attention to discourses that shape clients’ goals and an opportunity to reconstruct the self of the client in an open dialogue of equal partners.”THUS the writers hope that the perspectives given in the book will allow coaches to create (or recreate) their own model of coaching. The value of having a personal model is that it allows practitioners to examine their own practice, to be aware of what is important for them, to know what they ultimately want to achieve in their work and the means they use in this process.
Conclusion
Having a personal model or approach to coaching is a tool to help individual coaches compare how they coach to how others coach. Knowledge platforms like ‘the good coach’ are an excellent way of doing that. Large internal coaching programmes may be able to organise regular CPD events for their coaches. Self-reflection and seeking feedback on our personal models should help us identify where a model is strong and where it has limitations. We can then borrow from the other approaches in a systematic way, knowing how we coach and why we coach that way, as a tool to help us to continuously develop our own coaching for the benefit of our clients.
Finally, what has the benefits been for you to write about your personal model in one or two sentences? And why do you recommend others to do this for themselves?
Andrew Parrock (MSc, CMgr, MCMI) has, since graduating in 1980, been a teacher, a tax specialist and a manager. He spent 10 years as a volunteer mentor with undergraduate students at UCL and, later, Brunel University as part of the National Mentoring Consortium. He discovered coaching late in his career and has now become an accredited coach at Practitioner Level with the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC).
Endnote
[1] I used to teach chemistry many years ago. One of my greatest joys was describing how the Periodic table of the Chemical Elements arises due to the way electrons arrange themselves in atoms. This joy in finding underlying unity of theory or hypothesis has never left me.
References
1. The Complete Handbook of Coaching 3rd Edition, eds Elaine Cox, Tatiana Bachkirova and David Clutterbuck. Sage, 2018
2. Neuroscience for Coaches, 2nd edition Amy Brann, Kogan Page 2017
3. Know Thyself- the new science of self-awareness by Stephen M Fleming
4. Neuroscience for organisational Change by Hilary Scarlett
5. Metacognition; thinking about thinking, Andrew Parrock,2022
6. Confidence and Coaching, Andrew Parrock, 2023
7. Supervision: ‘I have no idea what is going to happen, and I love it!’ by Kevin Cowley https://www.emccuk.org/iCore/PostManagement/PostDefault.aspx?iUniformKey=6e560b4d-9fef-450a-abdc-d7f76c951d9e
