Stories that Need to be Told: Career Dilemmas: When the ‘right’ path is the wrong fit by Lisa M. Evans and Martin Richards (Guests)
What is this?
This is the second in a series of blogs where Martin Richards (a Certified Coach) has been interviewing Lisa M Evans, Ed.D. (an Experienced Educator) about situations from her experience, working as a teacher and administrator, focusing on which coaching skills that would have benefited her in those situations. In the first blog, we focused on how coaching skills would have benefited Lisa when she had a conflict with the parents of a young student of hers. Martin and Lisa also shared how they built a relationship that supported the co-authoring of these blogs. Their common interest in the union of the fields of education and coaching helped create an environment that nurtured the development of this collaboration.
Why are we writing this?
We could all say, about our working lives, “If only we had known then what we know now, it would have been so much easier”. What we aim to do is to discover exactly which coaching skills would have been most useful, and why.
In this situation, Lisa had come to a crossroads in her career. She wanted to leave the classroom but didn’t really want to be an administrator. The choices she made at the time led her down a path that did not align with who she really was. This reflection points to how coaching skills and a coaching mindset may have supported her in making these difficult decisions during each stage of her career.
SITUATION TWO: A career path of opportunities or aspirations?
Coach: What would you like to talk about?
Lisa: I want to talk about how difficult it was for me to find my place within the educational system once I left the classroom. I gave every ounce of my energy to teaching my students and that took a severe toll on me physically and emotionally. When I needed a change, I got swept up into the world of administration - a world I really didn’t want to be in, but it became increasingly difficult to change course. Though this scenario reflects realities of the few public school boards in the United States and Canada that I worked in, it’s mostly about how I perceived the paths available to me and how assumptions and beliefs led me to make decisions that perhaps could have been made differently if I had the skills and knowledge to look at my career path differently.
My challenge: At the crossroads
Coach: What happened?
Lisa: I had been in the classroom for 10 years - 12 if you count being a long-term substitute teacher and summer school teacher for the first 2 years of my career. I was tired and needed a break. But what to do? There was no “time off” in the profession at the time nor in my circumstances. If I quit, I would lose my seniority and put my pension at risk. I was 42 years old and had only been working full-time as an educator since I was 30. But the reality was that I needed something different.
An opportunity arose with another education body that required me to accept that I was giving up my seniority. This was a huge decision because our district often had lay-offs every year and it was extremely stressful for those teachers at the bottom of the seniority list. I had been there for so many years, it was nice to not have to worry any longer. Again...the reality of the situation was that I had to go.
So I went. And because of that move I became enmeshed in the world of administration that I never wanted to be in. Whether it was lack of will or listening to what others had to say about my abilities, this move from the classroom to the board office resulted in me getting my master’s in educational leadership, a credential in administration, and a doctorate in education leadership.
Was I passionate about this? No. Not in the least.
I was passionate about teaching and learning.
I was passionate about curriculum development and how to bring the curriculum alive for kids and teachers.
I was passionate about the arts - all the arts - music, visual arts, drama, writing - and how those could be vehicles to bring all subjects alive.
But because I was in this state of burnout, my path altered dramatically.
Coach: How did you feel when that happened?
Lisa: I remember thinking as a teacher that I would NEVER want to be an administrator. I watched my principal - who was brilliant - problem solve some kind of crisis it seemed like every single day. Angry parents, budget cuts, firing teachers, dealing with the board...on and on it went. I had no interest in doing that. When I made the move, I reassured myself that I wouldn’t go down the administration path - at least not the principal path. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t like constant problem-solving and crisis management - I liked creation and imagination.
But as I kept getting immersed in the world of administration, I fell prey to the “but you’re so good at it” syndrome. It’s probably not a syndrome, but for me, it definitely felt like a sickness. Everyone I worked with - whether a teacher, fellow administrator or professor - remarked what an amazing administrator I was. Maybe...but I hated it.
When I made the decision to get my doctorate, I wanted to do it in Curriculum Development, but again I fell prey to “but you’re so good at administration” syndrome. One of my professors said that I had most of the classes to get an Ed.D. in educational leadership, so why do curriculum development? He said once I have the Ed.D. in leadership, I could easily transition into curriculum. My vanity won out and did my degree (it was excruciating - except for the dissertation aspect where I got to use my creativity!) I was never able to get into curriculum development or any other area from that point forward.
When I moved to Canada, I thought now is the time to do something different. But because I was so “good” at administration, I ended up doing what was necessary to become a school administrator. It felt uncomfortably comfortable. I was afraid to hold off on finding a different path. It was the perfect opportunity, but I just wasn’t brave enough to take it. I worked as a vice-principal for four years and then just couldn’t take it any longer. Yes, I was good at it, but I didn’t like it very much and I just couldn’t bear going to work any longer in that role.
I went to see the Assistant Director of the board and asked him about my options. I wanted to know if there was anything in the board for someone like me - highly experienced and educated, but who didn’t want to be a principal. (In this board, all other positions required being a principal for 5-7 years.) He said, “No. We don’t know what you can do. You have to be a principal.”
At that point, my path was clear. I just couldn’t stay in my VP role and I did not want to be a principal.
So I quit.
After 26 years in the profession, I couldn’t find my place.
Uncomfortably reflecting on my decisions with courage
Coach: What went through your mind when that happened?
Lisa: Every time I came to a crossroads I knew I kept taking the “easy” way - or the most comfortable way. In my mind, I just didn’t want to get additional training or education. Good grief, I’ve spent my whole life in schools and pursuing degrees and credentials. I just couldn’t bear the thought of getting another one.
I also began to feel that my whole career was one missed opportunity after another. Not because I wasn’t “successful”, but because I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t see myself in those roles that I had donned for so many years. Good grief, let me off the train!
I also began thinking that I’ve run out of time to do something I really loved doing. I was 54 when I quit and I also had a young child (3-years old). (That’s a whole different story!) Because of my commitment to her, I couldn’t see myself starting anything until she was older. Unfortunately, I would be older, too. I know...many people change careers in their late 50’s, 60’s, 70’s...Sure, I could be one of those people. I could be like Grandma Moses, starting a successful art career at the age of 78. Sure. No problem.
But mostly, I just felt resentful. Sigh. I kind of hate that feeling, but that’s what I felt. I felt I was cheated out of the best years of my career life by the choices that I made and by the system. What a waste of my brain, talents, and interests.
Coach: What was the most challenging about that?
Lisa: The most challenging thing about this crossroads was that I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything different. It was familiar; I was good at it. Once I resigned, there really was no going back to it. Even the thought of it made me queasy.
So I felt adrift. I was too young to retire, and I didn’t have a clear path with “next steps”. Yes, I could be a full-time mom, but I knew that wouldn’t be what I truly wanted. I wanted to use my brain, I wanted to engage with people, I wanted to bring in some money, I wanted to make a difference to others beyond my immediate family. I wasn’t done, yet.
Coach: What do you think was going on below the surface for you?
Lisa: I’ve thought a lot about the systems that are in place in public K-12 education - at least in the United States and Canada. As a system, we are bound to rules, regulations, and past practices that may or may not serve. It’s just how it’s done. The career path is fairly narrow and those who don’t quite fit the mould just don’t fit in the system. Many teachers crave a change of pace and the only real options tend to be grade-level changes. How about teaching grade 5 for a change? Yes, it’s a change, but not a fundamental change. Union rules, seniority rules, hiring rules, etc., are in place to protect teachers and yet within that severe protection is a straight-jacket. There isn’t a lot of wiggle room. In my situation, there really wasn’t a will to think or act differently from an employment perspective. They couldn’t bend the rules (perhaps), so they lost me.
In terms of myself, I had come to a place where I couldn’t pretend any longer. I found that this happened when I had my first child, and then again when my youngest came along. I just didn’t have it in me to pretend that I was happy in my position and the path that I was on.
I needed to align my work with my true nature.
I wanted to be comfortable in the role I had with an awareness that I was making a difference for kids. I couldn’t feel it any longer buried under a load of administrivia and constantly putting out fires. Some folks love that and thrive as school administrators. I just wasn’t one of them.
I also think I was really disappointed in myself for not listening to myself all along the way when various crossroads appeared to me. I was conscious of my desire to do something different - or act in a different capacity within the system - but I didn’t know how and nothing came to mind. Everything seems to say…”You have to be a principal.” I was a principal for a year and a VP for several years. I just knew it wasn’t for me.
And I was afraid. I was afraid of being unemployed and not “earning my keep” as it were. It was hard for me to trust that given time I could actually find a good fit for myself. I took the easiest path (though it took a lot of time, money, and energy) while hoping that something else would inspire me. It didn’t.
Bravely listening to myself: Reconnecting my aspirations to my career
Coach: How did that event proceed?
Lisa: As I noted before, I resigned from the board. Then I pursued a dream of working in Waldorf education and ending up being an administrator for a Waldorf school. It certainly was an inspiring place to be, but in the end, it was very much the same with additional challenges of an independent school and the Waldorf “way” thrown in the mix. And for personal reasons, I resigned after a year.
When pondering what I was going to do next, I took a course on mentoring from the province’s principal’s association. I figured if there was anything I was interested in the administrative realm, it was supporting teachers through mentoring. During the course, I was introduced to the concept of “coaching” and this resonated so deeply with me that I enrolled in a coaching certification program through CTI. I became absolutely inspired by the coursework - loved every second of it - and could imagine how powerful the skills of coaching could benefit those in the field of education.
I imagined that if I had had a coach with the skills I was learning,
some of the decisions I made might have been different.
How I managed the workload, how I interpreted events, etc., would have been explored in a completely different way. I imagined that if every educator had access to a coach and could learn some basic coaching skills, their relationships with students, colleagues, administrators, and parents could be transformed.
I imagined that teachers with coaching skills and access to high-quality coaches
could work through the enormous challenges that they face regularly.
I strongly believe this. Education is a profession that needs coaches, and not just instructional coaches which are also highly valuable. The professions could also benefit from a coaching mindset; it needs people who are keenly curious, listen deeply without judgement, and are visionary.
Knowing what I know now
Coach: What do you wish you had known then that you know now?
Lisa: I wish I would have trusted my heart and given my head a rest from making all my decisions. In other areas of my life, I’ve relied on my intuition and what I valued the most. In decisions about my career, I seemed to be guided by fear - or taking the safe route. Perhaps I would have ended up in the same spot I am now, but maybe it wouldn’t have been so difficult.
There are stories that we tell ourselves that we believe with all our being. I believed the stories about not being able to do anything but what I was doing. I believed the stories about not moving to a different situation because of seniority and pensions. Those stories really drove my decision-making process. I wish I had told myself different stories. Since the stories are made up, why not believe a story that feels good and resonates with my core?
Coach: Which coaching skills would you have benefited from?
Lisa:
Values clarification would have been so helpful here. Truly knowing what was important to me would have been great. Also, telling a different story would have been supportive, as I mentioned above. What if the narrative changed from fear to wonder? Adventure? It would have been interesting to play with the narrative and see which narrative I could create that would actually engage and excite me.
Another coaching skill that would have been helpful would have been taking a journey to meet my future self. I have always found this guided meditation to be of great value. How would my future self advise me? What key message does my future self want me to know? Even though I intellectually understand that my future self is me, the process of going on a guided visualization allows access to my own inner wisdom that gets drowned out with my monkey mind that loves to chatter and natter and goes on and on.
Additionally, my coach, Ben Dooley, introduced me to a simple concept about change. The first step is wanting “it” - whatever “it” is. The second step is knowing how to do “it” - what are the components, what’s required, what’s involved. The third step is doing “it”. I knew I wanted a change though what that change was was pretty fuzzy. It would have been really helpful to explore what I wanted. If I had a clearer vision of what I wanted to do, then I would have moved onto Step 2 - finding out information about what was required to get there. Knowledge is power, and I just didn’t have the knowledge to know what would get me to where I wanted to go.
Finally, it would have been really helpful to identify my key strengths and qualities that I bring to everything I do. It’s not that I’m an “educator” who is no longer an “educator”. I am a person who is caring, curious and loves championing others. I bring these key traits and values with me no matter where I am or what I’m doing. Knowing who I am at my core would have been so helpful in creating an environment - even as a VP or Principal - where I was operating with a greater awareness from those core values and traits. Oh my goodness, that would have been so helpful. I was so attached to my interpretation of what it meant to be a principal that I couldn’t see myself in the role. What if what was needed was a principal who was caring, curious, and championed others and used those core strengths and attributes to carry out the duties of the role? See how that shift changes everything?
Coach: What might have been different if you had used what you know now?
Lisa: I think how I felt about my decision would have been different. I’m not sure I would have pursued a principalship, but perhaps I could have reimagined my vice principal role and been content. Or perhaps I could have stayed in my job and received some coaching that would have helped clarify my next steps without taking such a drastic step. Perhaps the whole transition would have gone more smoothly and I would have felt more confident with where I was heading, even if I didn’t quite know where it was exactly.
All these coaching skills and being coach help slow things down and
to get out of reactive mode and into creative mode.
I was definitely in reactive mode when I made this decision. It would have been really nice to have explored all these questions with a coach.
Lisa’s Reflections
What is it about coaching and a coaching mindset that changes everything? I often ponder this question and how these skills and attitudes can impact the field of education.
Just in the day-to-day busyness of education, a coaching mindset allows us to pause and get really curious about what is really going on with our own actions and reactions. We’re all taught to be reflective practitioners with regard to our teaching practices; yet, I encourage all educators to become reflective practitioners with regard to their own inner landscape and become really curious about what’s happening below the surface. It’s quite an extraordinary exploration and can have a significant impact on how we view ourselves, our students, and our roles within the complex education system.
A coaching mindset gives us permission to ask powerful questions, explore our assumptions, question our limiting beliefs, acknowledge our intense emotions, and develop new perspectives. How amazing is that? A coaching mindset gives us permission to question what has always been and invites us to imagine something different that nourishes and sustains.
And what is it about coaches that make them substantially different than other mentors and supporters in our lives?
One significant difference is that coaches don’t offer advice. You will never hear the phrase, “You should do this…” from a coach. I don’t know about you, but I get really annoyed when someone offers me advice.
I wish I would have had a coach during my career to,
bear witness to my challenges,
engage me in deep reflection of my own thought and emotional processes,
and help me to envision something new that resonated with who I really am.
Coaches also do not have their own agenda to promote. Many of our support people (spouses, bosses, friends) have a stake in our decisions and can often feel uneasy when challenges arise and a new path needs to be taken. How will this affect me, is the unspoken question hovering in the background as our support people offer their perspective. Coaches don’t have this personal investment; their primary concern is holding your agenda, championing you, and helping to reflect your true magnificence back to you especially when you forget!
In my view, there’s such a natural affinity between coaching and education that bears a closer look. As educators, we hope that through our interactions with students they develop a love of learning and discover their own capacities, talents, and dreams. As coaches, we marvel when clients remember their own brilliance and tap into their inherent wisdom. Now, imagine if every educator had a coach and had knowledge of those coaching skills that would enrich their own experience as an educator. Just imagine what might be possible.
Connect with Lisa Evans via Linkedin and Martin Richards via Linkedin
Lisa Evans, Ed.D. is a retired teacher and administrator with over 26 years of experience in the K-12 public school systems in California and Nevada in the United States and in Ontario, Canada. Lisa received her coach's training from the Coaches Training Institute (CTI) and thoroughly enjoys supporting others to rediscover their unique gifts that can then be shared with others. Her days are full spending time with her family including her 7-year old daughter, volunteer activities, learning piano, cooking, and writing.
An author and inspirational speaker in secondary schools, Martin Richards, is an experienced educator and facilitator who began teaching Mathematics over 30 years ago where he applied a 'coach approach' to teaching. He is currently a coach and mentor for teachers, course leaders and coaches in Scandinavia and is passionate about connecting teacher’s purpose with the greater Educational Aims.
